school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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