so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
