Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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