I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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