Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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