C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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