Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
