You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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