My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
