So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
