I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
