kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
