my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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