whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
