I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
