Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
