I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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