Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
