What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
