I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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