So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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