**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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