Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
