so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
