dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
