i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
