I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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