Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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