Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
