Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if only i could text you this smell
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
