I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
