I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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