I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
