Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize