I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
