Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
