I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
only you would photoshop your dick
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
