He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
