You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
