so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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