your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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