he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
