Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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