dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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