Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
