sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
