2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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