Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
