he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
