i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
