Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
