Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
