I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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