Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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