last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
