i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
