She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
