I accidentally had phone sex last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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