My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
